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a day at the ballpark
the weather was just right for baseball. andy had acquired four tickets on the third base line in the second tier. of course, being decker dollar hot dog night only made things that much more sweet.

we pulled into a parking entrance to ask the attendant where we were allowed to park. "right here." he said. we parked about 100 yards from the entrance to the ballpark. andy and i were obviously excited and our long, fast strides soon had the girls several yards behind us. after a quick admonishment from karen, we all strode into the entrance with nothing near to the security that i was expecting. "have you had the opportunity to frisk anybody yet?" andy's question resulted in little reaction from the kind lady who tore our tickets and handed the stubs back to us. she glanced inside the girls purses, just long enough to make sure there weren't any items with the word 'bomb' stenciled on them. per karen's request, we had parked on the opposite side of the stadium from our seats, allowing us maximum exposure to vendors on our way.

so before we were even half way to our seats, we had partaken of one dollar hot dog each. i really didn't think that our seats would be as great as they were. the national anthem was sung by a gentleman who's name i did not get. but it did look like marty stouffer had crawled out of the wilderness, taking just enough time off from wrestling grizzleys to sing the national anthem.

as we all sang proudly at the twilight's last twenty minutes of gleeming, an airplane approached the ballpark. i began to think of the people inside looking down on an american tradition, tears welling up in their eyes at the site of 25,013 people standing in unity to honor their country's flag. i began to feel tears at my ducts, waiting to be released. i stood up straight and tall. i belted the words from deep inside..."and the rockets' red glare... dumdudum... the bombs bursting in air... dumdadudum...."
it was about this time that i saw the markings on the side of the plane. bright blue... red... silver...... white? it was the fedex plane. no tears. stature slumped. voice subdued.

an attendant came by our seats at the close of grizzley-man's admittedly beautiful anthem and handed us our preferred seating menu from which we could order nine layer dip, fresh fruit cups, enchilada dinners, and chicken ceasar salads all from the comfort of our plastic chairs.
harrumph!
it's dollar hot dog night, baby! chicken ceasar salad isn't all-american! enchilada dinners? come on!

andy and karen made a trip down to the cheap seats to gather up a plethora of plump deckers and we watched as the rangers took an early lead over the athletics. a-rod cleared his 46th homer early in the first inning, driving in two runs.

by the end of the third, texas had a commanding 6-0 lead and i convinced the crew to take advantage of one of the perks included with our tickets. we had access to the elite gold club lounge. a place where only the wealthiest of the metroplex's social giants mix and mingle during pro ball games; watching the game on flat panel displays from the comfort of plush leather lounge chairs, sipping cosmopolitans and eating nine layer dip.

we hob-knobbed and exchanged banter with our flight attendant waitress, and tried to gain access to the leather center seats but were turned away by an authoritative elderly woman wearing an official rangers golf shirt. we are later informed that it costs $100 per game to sit in a leather lounge chair, but you can purchase seats individually, so you don't have to sit with your friends.

o.k. so we're not as high up on the social food chain as we would like, but we're still in the gold club. we get to watch the game on satellite digital tv, delayed as much as five seconds. this allows us to hear the crowd's reaction to yet another rangers' home run seconds before we watch it happen in brilliant flat panel color. but then we see these...people. these...common people walking into our exclusive digs. what!? who are these people? don't they know that you have to be lofty and elite to come in here? what is this, the gold-plated club? are those the pleather center seats? we've had enough.

on our way back to our seats, we pass the vendors once again. this time, it's nachos for karen, and a helmet sundae for erica. back at our seats, erica's intuition pays off and the yellow dot wins the dot race in the middle of the sixth. maybe i should take her to the horse tracks. what do you think about marlboro's ashes in the fifth race to place?

by the eigth inning, the action on the field had quieted down. then...middle of the eigth, first pitch to palmiero, he jams it to left center, 493 yards for a solo shot homer. woo hoo! fireworks go off. the very next pitch, carlos pena sticks one in the same place! it's the first time i've ever seen back-to-back home runs on back-to-back pitches. amazing.

i never got my cotton candy that night. i'm a little dissappointed there, but it was a small glitch in an otherwise beautiful and perfect evening at the ballpark.