so, over at bLuiSh_orAn6e, they are discussing car wrecks. in high school, when i first started driving, i would imagine myself driving the car into an abutment or off an overpass. it wasn't so much to feel something physically. but i did wish to feel emotion.

the last five seconds before impact.

that's all i was looking for. it was the moments, days, and years after that prevented me from taking any action.

i wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that i was actually in an accident my freshman year of high school. my head went through the windshield of a 1970 plymoth duster. the crunching metal and shattering glass echoed in my ears for months after. perhaps when i stopped hearing the chaotic sounds of collision, i started to crave their return.