cue echo: "you'll have to decide...you'll have to decide...you'll have to decide."

back when i started, i saw it as a terrible compromise to my skills and abilities. me? work retail? how demeaning.

now, three months later, i look at an offer for twice as much money, better benefits, and better job security and advancement potential, and i balk.

why?

i didn't make up my mind today, like i said i would. i waited until the end of the day and then left him a voicemail. i didn't lead on to my decision, because i hadn't made one. i just stated that i would try and reach him later. there has been so much happening with car insurance and doctors, and i just haven't had clarity to sit and think about it all in the big picture.

it would be ridiculous to pass up more money. even if i fear the job will be dull. even if i feel like i won't relate to my cow-orkers. even though i'm fairly certain that i will be unhappy there and will be doing unchallenging work. and i'll be starting at the bottom of the pole again. a temp.

but it's state benefits, man. full medical and dental. teacher retirement fund. government holidays. and, it's not what i was making last year, but it is twice as much as what i'm getting now. twice as much.

see?

i go back and forth. back and forth. back.
and forth.

so the wepconian leaders told me that they don't want me to leave. they want to make me one of them. they can pay me more, but not much more. i am respected there. i am accepted as knowledgeable and hardworking. hey, they'd give me a key to wepcoland.

and what if that design job is just around the corner? perhaps it'll all turn around here in the next month or so.

what if it doesn't?