part eight                            ... or go to the beginning....

i don't know what his name was, but he wasn't happy to have an "other guy" calling rachel. he basically hung up on me when i told him my name. he obviously knew who i was.

i found her pager number in an old email she had sent me. one that somehow escaped the delete button. she called me back and told me that he was the extremely jealous type and he saw me as a real threat. he didn't work, didn't pay bills, and lived off her stipend.

in the next couple of weeks, he became belligerent. she called crying, asking for help. he was abusive, she said. she wanted out of the relationship, but she was afraid that he would do something if she said anything. in fact, he threatened her not to break up with him. i agreed to have two of my bulkiest friends go to the apartment with me and peacefully (hopefully) remove him from the apartment.

i told her to call me as soon as she got home and andy, james, and i would come over. i wasn't sure what i was going to do or say, but i was terrified that someone could potentially hurt her. i waited by the phone for two days.

a week later, i called her to find out what happened. "oh, i was just overreacting and hysterical. you know how i get. he's not really a bad guy, we had just been arguing and i was upset. i'm sorry for worrying y...shit, he's coming out here." (click)

i wrote her a letter asking her to not contact me again. i explained the pain that i had been through getting over her once. i explained my having the best mental health i had experienced in years. i explained her ability to tear that stability down without even trying. i told her goodbye.

she called the ranch last summer, the weekend that i was visiting my parents. i have no clue how she knew i would be there. i refused to take the call, having my mom tell her i was out working with dad. my mom told me that she was crying and i should probably call her back. i refused to.

she called again, half an hour later, and my mother insisted i sit down and talk to her. i let her say what she needed to and responded with, "i don't want you to call me anymore. i don't want to talk to you. everytime i try to be your friend or lover, i get hurt. i don't deserve that. please leave me alone."

a brief note thanking me for taking the time to talk to her that day followed a week later. then she was gone.