part six                            ... or go to the beginning....

we visited schools in chicago, dallas, berkeley, and somewhere in iowa. she took other trips without me, to new york, florida. more often than not, the same people would show up at each location for the interviews. we discussed the choices. her choices of a new place to live and go to school, my choices as to whether or not i would be there with her. it meant giving up my home, my job, and my friends. it would only be two years, i decided, and i wanted to be with her. we knew dallas was our first choice. in the end it would depend on the offers.

had it been anywhere other than dallas, i don't believe i would have gone with her. at least not for the first year or so. but we got the letter from u.t.sw saying that she had been accepted to the physician's assistant program for the incoming class of 1999. she would leave in may to start her classes, i planned to follow within the month. the job search was difficult. i would schedule several interviews at a time and make trips back and forth from austin.

nearly two months had passed when i landed a job at a print shop in carrollton.

as soon as i had moved in, our relationship began to atrophy at a rapid pace. we found time to do things together that we enjoyed, but i wanted more of her time than she was willing to give. the arguing returned, becoming more heated and long lasting. the sex nearly disappeared. i found myself not wanting to go home. i would put myself into a bad mood while driving across town, just knowing that she would be pissed off about something when i got there. there were times that i would spot her car in the parking lot and continue driving, hoping that by the time i returned, she would be gone.

by mid september, i had given back the engagement ring she gave me and was sleeping on paul's round couch while he was away on business. i spent most of my time outside of work curled up on that couch, crying. liz and paul would try to console me. i had only been in dallas two months and i was miserable. i hated my job. i contemplated moving back to austin, but i saw it as admitting failure somehow. i wanted to show myself that i could face change and grow as a person. what i really wanted was for rachel to take me back and i didn't want to leave dallas until i was certain that wasn't going to happen.

i imagine she had met him while i was still living in austin. i don't when they started sleeping together, but i know that they had sex a couple of nights after i first moved out of the apartment. i had run into maureen, our roommate, and she had told me about him. she was upset that rachel had let some strange guy have a key to the apartment. my god... "the other guy."