i sit, with a slight smirk on my face, amongst the others. i feel a catty pride of knowing something they don't know. my purpose here is completely different from theirs, but i know the experience they will have today. they got up this morning, likely earlier than i did, and began to prepare. they doctored up their appearances to impress, to win an award of a chair to sit in, a desk to sit at, or perhaps simply a cart to push. what they will find out, after waiting here in this sterilized hallway/lobby for an hour, is that the color-coordinated pant-suit facade they've built upon their ordinary frames is all in vain. marched into an office, one by one, they will be given a chance only at the company's version of a u.s.d.a. stamp of approval; a brief psychological profiling to determine their ability to be considered for an interview.
it's so simple.
yet they sit here, knuckles clinched together, monotone fabric clinging to a thin surface layer of nervous sweat, hoping to sell their skills for the opportunity to do a job they will likely hate.

i'm here because i have to be. i am here to obtain vouchers of my inability to abscond with valuables from the company in the five short weeks i was not really employed with them. they call it "terminal clearance," and it is a necessity if you want to receive the money that you earned.

and like every other experience i've had at the company, i am expected to figure out the process on my own. they tell you that you have to do it, but they don't tell you how.

"i'm here for terminal clearance."

"you have to start that in your department."

i did not leave my department of my own free will, and was not given a reason for my "separation" as they like to call it. "i can't start in my department. i have issues with my manager. they told me i wouldn't have to go back there."

"well, i can't start the paperwork for you. you'll have to go to your department."

"look, i refuse to go to my department. could you please call someone who can start the process for me?"

she dials a five digit number on her phone and mentions my name to the person on the other end. "silvia will take care of getting the paperwork started for you. you'll need to wait over there." she points out into the hallway where the future potential candidates wait in chairs lined along the blank white walls.

so now i sit amongst them. waiting just like them, but with the knowledge only of the next two hours of their day. my immediate future is again uncertain.

one hour later, i am handed my terminal clearance paper. they had completed the majority of my terminal clearance for me, meaning that i would not have to travel to over 20 departments spread throughout the complex and have people sign off on my honesty. the only two stops for me would be parking, to turn in my garage card and decal, and the cashier to be paid the balance of the parking fee i paid only two months prior. thirty-seven dollars and fifty cents. as soon as i am done there, i return to human resources to finish my "exit interview"

this is nothing more than a piece of paper with questions on it regarding my employment and my impressions of my time while at the company. i gladly answer each question, giving details to why i feel that the person that managed me should not be managing anything. i feel pleased with my responses and head immediately to the payroll office and then to the bank downstairs.

i now have my spending money for sxsw. perhaps i'll buy you a beer.