happy birthday billy!!!!

happy birthday katie!!!!

the comeback kid

at the end of the day, i'm able to bend (somewhat), stretch, and walk with minimal pain but maximum discomfort. it's an improvement and i'm very thankful for all the sentiments from you, dear readers. this weekend, i'm hanging out with chimi, murphy, and hazel. we're going to make s'mores and watch kung-fu flicks. wanna come over?

OUCH!

i was a little sore from the leg workout the night before, but i wasn't really moving slow or anything. i was actually more annoyed by what felt like a minor ear infection starting in my right ear. i'm gonna have to nip that in the bud.

but then, as i carried a small piece of luggage out to the floor, something happened. i'm not sure what it was exactly that i did. it's funny, you never can remember exactly what it was that you did, just that you did something. i think that i turned my torso and bent slightly sideways, putting the luggage on the floor. something felt funny right after that. not bad, at first, just funny. i walked to the registers to ring up a customer, and then i felt it. it started on the right side and moved quickly to the left. something in my back was not right. i thought perhaps it was just a little sore from the workout last night. the pain grew until i was grabbing my lower back to support the muscles. i took a step to my right and all hell broke loose. the muscles on either side of my spine contracted fully and went into a full spasm. each step i took brought tears to my eyes.

"i think i just through my back out," i told a coworker.

i squatted on the floor in the back to pick up another piece of luggage. as i rose, my back refused and i toppled over onto my side, writhing in pain. i decided to go to the break room and lay down on the floor. as i stood up, the pain filled my body and i felt the blood rush out of my head. everything went black for just a second. taking little baby steps all the way to the break room, i gathered a sleeping pad and a pillow and found a spot on the floor.

i have since taken perscription pain medication and anti-inflamatories which have apparently not had an effect on the source of my problem. i think perhaps, now that i am home, i'm going to go lay down for a long while.

realizing that it is time for rent to be paid, and realizing that my bank account won't allow me to pay said rent, i fear that i have no other choice than to hock my prized possessions for cash. it is a sad day in electric monkeyland indeed. as interest is shown for listed items, i will post pictures and more details about them.

if you happen to have a fast turn-around job (no sex please) that can pull in about $400, please let me know as that would allow me to hang on to a couple of items listed below.

anyway.... here they are, listed in order of willingness-to-part-with:

• 1 pair of Cerwin Vega 20" Speaker Cabinets - $100
  
  
• Fender London Reverb Solid State Guitar Amplifier - $150
  
  
• 2 bike, hitch-mounted Backpacker Bike Rack with 1-1/4" hitch - $50
  
  
• Sony Trinitron 27" TV - $200
  
  
• Alesis SR-16 stereo drum machine (like brand new) - $150
  
  
• 1996 Specialized Rockhopper mountain bike. 19" frame, Shimano SPD clipless pedals, Nike SPD sport shoes (M/10) - $200
  
  
• Celestron Nexstar 60 telescope (brand new - never used) - $225
  
  
• Gibson Howard Roberts Fusion jazz guitar. mint condition. all gold plated hardware - $1300
  
  

obo's will be considered on certain items. email me if you are interested in helping me pay my rent. i can accept paypal.

my amazing powers of jellybean counting

if i had to pick one superhero power to describe myself as a toddler, it would have to do with a contest that was held at jack-and-jill daycare and preschool when i was in first grade. i wasn't adept at jump-rope or hopscotch, although i can do alot with scotch now-a-days, but one late fall in 1976 i realized my true calling in life.

during recess, that fatefull autumn day, a large jar appeared under the sheet metal covering at the north end of the playground. a small sign attached to the glass jar contained a string of words which my young mind assembled to describe a challenge of ultimate perception. the 2 gallon jar contained an unrevealed amount of jelly belly jelly beans. the goal, of course, was to "guess" the number of beans in the jar. the closest estimate would receive the jar, and it's contents, as the ultimate prize of bean counting that has ever existed.

my initial examination of the jar led me astray. for a moment, i actually believed that this was just a game of chance. upon deeper thought, and a brief intermission of hide-and-seek, i realized that this prize was mine. i had the power to count every single bean in the jar, if i just put my powers to use. i looked to my left, then my right, to make sure no one was watching. slowly, with eyes scanning every inch, i made my way in a slow circle around the glass prize. putting my amazing mathmatical powers to work, i calculated what i felt was the nearest approximation of true jelly bean volume of that jar. having only one opportunity to enter my superior deductive abilities into the contest, i orbited the sugary-dense container one last time, double checking my intricate figures for any possible errors. i committed my final equation to paper and slipped it into the box next to the trophy.

the next day's recess was met with an assembly of the entire faculty and student body of jack-and-jill daycare and preschool. the little slips of paper had been tallied and a winner had been determined, along with two runners-up who would in turn receive small bags of their own jelly belly brand jelly beans.

when the winner was finally announced, i realized how accurate my powers were. with only a 12 bean discrepancy, i had won the grand prize, more than six months worth of jelly belly confection totalling nearly 13,000 beans. the level of pride i felt has not been equalled to this day. i would be lying to say that it was all strawberry shortcake and key lime pie combinations from that day forward. sure, there was an unspoken comraderie with ol' ronnie regan, but success takes it's toll on even the lowliest of bean counters in the world. sure, there was fame and a fortune of 4 calories per bean, but the sugar rush would not last.

i moved on to big league chew and pop rocks a few years later, forgetting completely about my former success as an estimate king. eventually, i would turn to daquiri ice ice-cream from baskin robins and my life would spiral downward.

but to this day, i cannot pass the container kiosk at the local grocery without remembering that warm october day in 1976 when i became one with the jelly bean.

thanks to everyone that came out last night. hopefully you're not too bad off this morning. jeremy and i had a great time and it was great to see all our friends together.

the space blasters were a big hit. (thanks tina)

julie captured some images from the live "warm the house cam" so that i won't forget i was playing guitar at some point in the evening.

i'm far too lazy and dehydrated to thank everyone individually here, so if you were in attendance and want some props, shout out in the comments. and thank you all again... it was fun.

check out the cam!

it's a party baby, yeah!

how i became the most important person in the world

jenifer was this beautiful twenty-something woman working her way through school as a bartender in the hotel lobby bar at the omni. she had this young, audrey hepburn frame and deep-set eyes that spoke of many late evenings fending off intoxicated thirty-something conference goers.

she mixed drinks like a chemical engineer, each ingredient measured out precisely in a jigger and then added to the glass. "how long have you been bartending?" i ask. "about a year," she says. but i find that hard to believe. she seems so unsure of what she is doing. i order a caucasian. she looks at me with this slight grin on her face, thinking i'm tricking her. "it's a white russian, you'll probably me making alot of them tonight." ice. half ounce jigger of khalua, half ounce jigger of vodka, top with half and half. she actually didn't measure the cream. i thought that was quite bold.

i spent some time talking with julie about self-censorship on personal content sites. relating the issues of the past couple of months with my site as well as some of those of my friends. julie and i really connected. we understood each other. too bad i wasn't her type.

jenifer was my type though. at least that's what i kept trying to convince myself. with each caucasian, i became more sure that i could convince her of this as well. i had already started to convince those around me. michael was my biggest supporter, but then i believe he may have already had more drinks than me. julie was onboard with the idea of jenifer being right for me, but i think that she was just being nice.

as the effects of last call began to wear off, i let the doubts of self-worth slowly overtake me. i no longer felt my connection with jenifer. i no longer felt connected to anyone in the room. at 3:00 a.m., the lobby bar began to quickly clear out. people teamed up for cabs, grouped to consolidate elevator trips, and gathered together for rides in someone's car. trying to get a ride with a friend who was staying a block from me, i was told that the car was full. i realized that i would be walking. i wasn't too concerned. it was maybe two miles at most. and it was a nice night.

but i couldn't help but concentrate on how i would be alone. alone again, i thought. i've not truly made any friends here. i am alone. the self pity welled up inside until i was full of anger. i stewed about it for nearly four blocks.

then, as i neared the top of the hill on eighth street, just past hickory street, i was paralyzed for a moment. in the sky between the buildings appeared a large ball of fire moving left to right. relative to my eye, it crossed the gap a couple of inches per second. behind it was left a tracer of bright orange fire and smoke. i began to run, to get beyond the obstructions of architecture at the top of the hill. stopping at a clearing, i watched the fireball race across the early morning sky towards the northeastern horizon. i watched the orange glowing trail fade to grey. i thought that i must be the only person seeing this beautiful spectacle.

as the first few tears began to fall, i realized how wonderful it was to be alone right now. i felt at once, both the insignificance of who i was to the world moving around me, and how important i was as an individual that could make a difference in the world around me. i continued my walk home, tears falling down my cheek, with all of my senses heightened and enlightened. i was, for at least the next thirty minutes, the most important person in the world. it may not have worked out for jenifer and me, but that's o.k.

she probably hasn't seen the space shuttle re-enter the earth's atmosphere twice in her life. i have.

my dearest g4 has been hacking up little bits of 0's and 1's. each time i get on here to tell my fabulously outdated and likely overrated story from austin last week, she starts to cough and then passes out.

so i spent the day moving all of her memories, skills, assets, and classy nudie picture archives to flat metal and plastic discs. tomorrow she will be paid a visit by the doctor to see if a little rearranging of information can make her feel better. perhaps tomorrow i will tell you how i discovered that i'm the most important person in the world.

someone did get a picture of me at fray cafe!

thanks geoff!

sxsw photos!!

my sxsw pictures are finally done! It took me approximately 8 hours of cropping photos, building pages, and figuring out everyone's urls to go with their images. i know i've left some out, and i'm sorry. please email me to let me know if i got something wrong.

i weeded through nearly 130 photos from six days in austin and came up with a good smattering of what happened. in many cases, i've left out photos that look just like others you might have seen on other sites. in many cases, i haven't. there's 78 images here, so grab a beer or white russian and enjoy yourself. did someone say "fisting"?

to those of you that i met this year, it was such a great pleasure spending time with all of you. i hope we can keep in touch and not have to use sxsw next year as a means of catching up on events of 12 months past.

i have a story i need to write about one evening in austin. that will be coming next.

for now... enjoy the photos!

talk about fast turn-around...

...thanks heather.

two new mirror project submissions from sxsw are here and here.

home

first... rest.

i'm sitting at a machine on the sxsw trade show floor. i'm here because i was unable to extract any valuable information from any of the panels that are currently going on. i'm having a blast and have met many great people. to be fair, i will not link to any of them just yet, but will as soon as i return to homebase. i have spent some time hanging with the canadians jen and nicci. nicci, too, has blue hair. well, at least part of it is. tonight is the dfwblogs happy hour at jazz on sixth. hope to see some of you there if you aren't at the conference. it's open to all.

i know these entries are lame, but it's difficult to think in this environment. i'm meeting hundreds of people and constantly moving around from place to place. i would like to announce to those who would like to know that we will be having the chimchim/inkdeep house-warming party on friday, march 22nd. if you'd like to get an official e-vite, email me.

last night was fray cafe and it was a great success. unfortunately the venue was smaller than the turnout and people were turned away at the door, including one of the featured speakers. i have had many people approach me today to tell me how much they enjoyed my story. it feels good to know that i entertained some people.

more details on who i'm hanging out with and who i've met in a while....

we are in austin, y'all.sarah is kindly letting us stay at her place. last night's fun was, well, fun. break bread with brad gave me the opportunity to meet lots of folks who's names flew out the back of my head with great speed. i know that rebecca, meryl and nick were kind enough to hand me little rectangular pieces of paper so that i won't forget them so easily. i'll be collecting alot of these little cards this week i'm sure.

i sit, with a slight smirk on my face, amongst the others. i feel a catty pride of knowing something they don't know. my purpose here is completely different from theirs, but i know the experience they will have today. they got up this morning, likely earlier than i did, and began to prepare. they doctored up their appearances to impress, to win an award of a chair to sit in, a desk to sit at, or perhaps simply a cart to push. what they will find out, after waiting here in this sterilized hallway/lobby for an hour, is that the color-coordinated pant-suit facade they've built upon their ordinary frames is all in vain. marched into an office, one by one, they will be given a chance only at the company's version of a u.s.d.a. stamp of approval; a brief psychological profiling to determine their ability to be considered for an interview.
it's so simple.
yet they sit here, knuckles clinched together, monotone fabric clinging to a thin surface layer of nervous sweat, hoping to sell their skills for the opportunity to do a job they will likely hate.

i'm here because i have to be. i am here to obtain vouchers of my inability to abscond with valuables from the company in the five short weeks i was not really employed with them. they call it "terminal clearance," and it is a necessity if you want to receive the money that you earned.

and like every other experience i've had at the company, i am expected to figure out the process on my own. they tell you that you have to do it, but they don't tell you how.

"i'm here for terminal clearance."

"you have to start that in your department."

i did not leave my department of my own free will, and was not given a reason for my "separation" as they like to call it. "i can't start in my department. i have issues with my manager. they told me i wouldn't have to go back there."

"well, i can't start the paperwork for you. you'll have to go to your department."

"look, i refuse to go to my department. could you please call someone who can start the process for me?"

she dials a five digit number on her phone and mentions my name to the person on the other end. "silvia will take care of getting the paperwork started for you. you'll need to wait over there." she points out into the hallway where the future potential candidates wait in chairs lined along the blank white walls.

so now i sit amongst them. waiting just like them, but with the knowledge only of the next two hours of their day. my immediate future is again uncertain.

one hour later, i am handed my terminal clearance paper. they had completed the majority of my terminal clearance for me, meaning that i would not have to travel to over 20 departments spread throughout the complex and have people sign off on my honesty. the only two stops for me would be parking, to turn in my garage card and decal, and the cashier to be paid the balance of the parking fee i paid only two months prior. thirty-seven dollars and fifty cents. as soon as i am done there, i return to human resources to finish my "exit interview"

this is nothing more than a piece of paper with questions on it regarding my employment and my impressions of my time while at the company. i gladly answer each question, giving details to why i feel that the person that managed me should not be managing anything. i feel pleased with my responses and head immediately to the payroll office and then to the bank downstairs.

i now have my spending money for sxsw. perhaps i'll buy you a beer.

we've moved chimchim headquarters and are now back online!

we head to sxsw friday (or perhaps tomorrow night - i just can't wait). i will try to access and update from austin.

if you're going to be there, don't forget to come to the dfwblogs happy hour on monday night. i hope to meet a lot of new people there.

that first kiss,

the one that you hope will happen but are afraid you won't know how to do it; as if you could forget how to kiss. it's the floodgate behind which everything waits to burst forth. as my desire to touch her lips pushed against all restraints of timidity and uncertainty within me, i stared into her eyes. we had been talking for nearly four hours and i held her hands in my lap watching the tears flow freely past her mouth.

he was controlling, jealous, and manipulative. the engagement had come as an appeasement, a way to keep him from leaving. now she felt trapped by it. the decision to move, to come to texas, was influenced by her need for distance. things had been uneasy for a while and she needed to see what it would be like away from him.

she had come to a realization. she wasn't happy with "them." she had to let him know that it was over.

perhaps i took advantage of the situation, but i truly felt empathy for her. i did not want to see her hurting so. i loved her smile and wanted to bring it back to her face. i wiped my hand across the roundness of her cheek, collecting the salty torrents of sorrow and bringing a slight upturn to the corner of her mouth. pulling the wet strands of hair away from her face with my pinky, i cupped my palm over her ear and held her there, staring through her swollen eyelids.

i felt that tension in my stomach. that desire pushed harder against the walls of self-restraint, but i refused to breach her trust in a moment of weakness. we sat there facing each other indian-style for ten minutes or more not saying a word. i smiled that half smile of empathy and caring with my head cocked slightly to one side. she shed a few more tears and blew her nose a couple of times. i held her hands in my lap.

she leaned forward as if for a hug and my arms went out in response. tilting her head perpendicular to mine, she kissed me. slowly. our lips barely even moving. just the touch of skin on skin and the taste of salt landing on my tongue. i felt paralyzed all the way through. she brought her lips together and softly pulled away. my blood began to flow again and i wrapped my open arms around her and squeezed as tight as i thought i could without crushing her. we collapsed sideways onto the stretched out futon and the flood of passion and emotion finally surged.

something inside my gut told me that she really was "the one." it was that instant our eyes met, hers beaming through small wire octagon frames, that i felt so sure of our future together. it sounds silly to me now. how could anyone be that certain about something so far fetched?

she only stayed a couple of days that first time we actually met, then she went back up to the montreal office and we continued flirting over the phone and email. less than a month later, she would be moving to texas. a group of us went out after work shortly after she had started working in the austin office. she and i spent a great deal of our time talking, although i can't remember what about. as we sat on the black leather couch under the large advertisement that read "have a guinness when you're tired," my hand came down on top of hers in the crevase created by the cushions. her arm jerked slightly back and just as i was about to remove my hand, she turned her palm face up and clasped her fingers into mine.

later, as i stood in the frozen wind watching her fill up her gas tank, we said our goodbyes. the next night, i would be falling asleep next to her on her futon mattress.