now... where did i put that keyboard?

ah!....

it's nice to be doing some design again. i've been working on my new portfolio site and, even though my perfectionist self wants to keep tweeking, it's beginning to take shape and i think it will be quite nice when i'm done.

i really do miss having the creative energy surrounding me that i had at the dotcom i used to work for. it was nice having josh helping me out last night, feeding me ideas. it was just enough to jump-start me into a new direction.

is it better to receive no response at all?

since being layed off in january of 2001, i've sent out perhaps 300 or more resumes to employers all across the nation. at times, i really tried to make a great impression with a inspiring cover letter and superior knowledge of the company for which i was applying. other times it was a case of blasting out monster generated resumes with the click of my mouse button in rapid fire fashion.

a good majority of the companies now-a-days have an automated response system that grabs your email address off the incoming email and fires back a cordial form-mail to let you know that they appreciate your interest and will be viewing your resume to see if your skills and qualifications meet their needs. and usually, that's the last you will ever hear from the company. i've tried the proactive method of "following-up" only to be ingnored further or re-directed to someone's voice mail where i can leave my name and number on a machine that isn't actually recording what i say.

once and a while, usually in a time frame somewhere between six to ten months after i've applied, i'll receive an envelope in the mail. a colorful ad agency logo paints the upper left corner and i can tell from the weight of the envelope that they have sent one clean sheet of their best letterhead.

"thank you,(sic) for your interest in the recently advertised position for __________.

the volume of response was heavy and the process long. we regret to inform you that the position has now been filled. we wish you the best of luck with your future endeavors."

of the 300-plus resumes i've sent, i've received perhaps a dozen such letters. each one does little more than remind me that i'm still not working in my field and makes me think that i must be doing something wrong. or perhaps my field is wrong. maybe retail has been my calling all along.

so is it better to be recognized as a human being that has applied for a position and not been accepted, or would i rather not hear anything at all? at least when i'm ignored, i'm not reminded of my inability to get a good job that i am clearly qualified for.

the term "career" does not carry the same meaning for my generation as it did for our parents'. not many of my friends look forward to spending the next ten or even five years at their current employer. jobs seem to be positioned to get us to a certain skill level and then let us stagnate there for the next twenty-five years until our 401k vests and we can rush the remaining years of our lives to do the things we always dreamed we would do. the corporate ladder is foreign to us. we believe in the corporate trampoline, jumping from one place to another, each time landing on a slightly higher tier.

at least that's what i was doing. until someone double-bounced me and i landed back on a level eight years in my past. now it seems i have to start the journey over again. i can't simply bounce back to the place i was at before. the jump is just too high.

and the ladder is hard on my knees.